Flora

Around this time last year, I was busily documenting the happenings of every little bud and mysterious shrub in my new-to-me yard.

This year, quite honestly, I've let things go a bit. Part of the problem is that it's getting increasingly difficult to haul my growing belly around the yard - particularly when it comes to weeding and mulching and doing bendy-over kinds of things.

Thus, photos looking UP at trees. No bending required.
The other problem is that the weather has completely sucked. Rain, rain, rain, and more rain. Cold rain. Cold gray days that have made all of my plants about a month behind last year's schedule. So my garden looks rather sad. Growing and wild with weeds, but sad. So I'm accepting the less-than-desirable state of things, and crossing my fingers that summer (or at least our usual spring) gets here soon.

Llama font!

It's the Friday before Memorial Day Weekend. Bored at work? Watching the minutes tick down until your precious 3-day weekend begins? Pass the time with with llama font!

Via Pikaland.

Progress?

When we moved into our house a little over a year ago, one of my greatest joys was having an entire room, and a large room, at that, to use as my office and creative space. I organized my shelves, separated all of my art supplies into cute little bins, and for once, after about 7 years of nomadic, somewhat chaotic living, I had a place to store all of my stuff AND know exactly where everything was.

That blissful year has passed, and any sense of organization that I might have had has flown out the window. For reference, here is what the room looked like when we moved in:

And after some fresh paint and organization:

And (cringe) then there's the current state of things. There's no better way to show desperation than with a crappy cell phone photo:

But seriously, it looks better than it did last week when there was about 3 feet of open space to walk in. See? Progress! Yes, we're making way for baby, and while I probably could have kept at least part of my precious space intact and usable, I really wanted to make this room all his/hers. I can't wait to share it once it's all done. In the meantime, I'm relocating my stuff and making messes in order to make things tidier. Oddly, that's always how it goes.

But while sorting out needs from trash, I found a treasure trove of goodies from years past...

Polaroids! From the summer that we got our sweet dog, Gia, five years ago.

Drawings! Really really weird drawings. I found some of my old college notebooks in the stack, filled to the brim with doodles and drawings in the margins. I was really really bored during class. Really bored. This one cracks me up - the notes at the top are all about sacrificing women and children to volcano gods, and my drawing features...a rockstar psychiatrist? Clearly, the class material made a big impression. (click to enlarge, if you dare.)

And then there are some irate vowels...

...and a trio of lovely friends.

And here's a gem from 10 years ago, the summer after I graduated high school. Sigh. Ten years.

I wonder why I saved all of this stuff, which seems so useless and space-hogging. I despise my inability to let things go. But sometimes I think that it's only human to leave behind little time capsules of ourselves. To remember that we have indeed changed, no matter how much we try to deny it. To remember the places that our brains were, at a given space in time, learning about Inca sacrifices or hanging out in plastic tubs.

I still couldn't get rid of everything. Like always, there will be new time capsules waiting for me the next time around. I can't wait.

And so it begins...

This is about the fifth time that I’ve tried to write this post, and every single time I seem to get flustered and not sure of what to say or how to say it, so I end up deleting everything and turning the computer off to try again some other time.

But today is Mother’s Day, and I can think of no day more fitting to ponder the process of becoming a mama. I’m pleased to announce that motherhood will soon be an enormous part of my life - we’re expecting our very first little one in early October! I haven’t really wrapped my head around how I would like our adventures in parenting to become a part of this blog, but since I write about life and what’s happening from day to day, I imagine that writing about my family will come quite naturally. And I vow to keep things reasonable. There are some things that you just don’t share with the internet.

So yeah. How 'bout that baby? Motherhood still feels incredibly abstract to me. But every day, I feel a little more connected and I am starting to understand why my own mother worries so much. I watch those car commercials on TV where the dad hands over the keys to his teenage daughter, and my eyes well up. Already, this tiny little baby is growing way too fast. Slow down, please. You will not be allowed to drive a car. You will never date. Simple as that. (Kidding. Kind of.)

I still sometimes stare in disbelief at the wriggling image on the ultrasound screen. Wait a second, that's my body - are they sure that’s not a picture of the innards of someone in the next room over? The ultrasound might as well be magic. But I did feel an undeniable, intense sense of protectiveness from the moment that I first saw that tiny heartbeat flickering away on the screen.

I must. Take. Care. Of this.
Must. Keep. Safe.
Love. Love. Love.

I’ll always always hold onto that moment (and I cry now, just remembering it) - suddenly it was real and I burst into tears, and my doctor handed me a box of Kleenex. I felt my heart grow huge and explode into a thousand tiny pieces. If this is what motherhood is like, then I’m pretty sure I’m going to need an extra stash of ribcages and hearts to support all of the explosions that are to come. And now, as I feel the first kicks and rolls and jabs, I just want to keep this mini person safe and protected. I look at my mom in awe. Somehow, she managed to keep me alive and safe all of these years. But the world! It’s full of danger! And bad stuff! And OMG if we’re going to keep this thing safe, we’re going to need bubble wrap. A lot of bubble wrap. See? It’s already starting, the first stirrings of fierce mama protectiveness.

But despite all of my anxieties and fears, (and the fact that swaddling a writhing infant looks about as easy as wrestling an alligator) I am excited beyond belief, and every day is something to marvel at. This is odd to describe, but I often think about how pregnancy has made me feel more like an animal than anything I’ve ever experienced. The pure biology of it all is astounding. The things that happen to the body, beyond my control, are incredible (and also a little gross at times) - everything balancing perfectly on a razor’s edge. But at the same time, pregnancy makes me feel more like a human than ever before. To experience emotions that I never thought possible, for my brain and my heart to connect in new ways, for my relationship with my husband to strengthen even further, for my prior concept of love to expand beyond my wildest dreams, that is what makes being a human so mind-numbingly fantastic.

I am in awe.

(And thank you, mom, for everything. For keeping me safe. For trimming my tiny nails so I couldn't claw my eyeballs out. For long nights. I love you 'round the moon and back again.)

Homemade Laundry Soap - (almost) 1 year later

It has been almost a whole year since I've had to buy laundry detergent from the store. I am not a spreadsheets and charts person and so I cannot tell you how much money I have saved, but it is A LOT.

I made my third batch of homemade laundry soap this past weekend. Each 5-gallon bucket seems to last us approx 6 months, give or take a little bit. I still have ingredients leftover from my initial $7.00 supply investment, and only need to buy a fresh bar of Fels-Naptha soap with each new batch.

I looooove the smell of Fels-Naptha. LOVE.

So would I go back? NEVER. I love making this stuff. It takes a little bit of elbow grease and patience, but it has become rather meditative and soothing. And I feel like I'm doing something good. And the whole house smells squeaky clean when I'm done. Our clothes are holding up splendidly and they don't look or feel any different than before. Our skivvies might not smell like a field of flowers or a mountain stream, but everything smells just plain clean. Like air. Or nothing at all. Which is, in my humble opinion, how it should be.

Wanna give it a try?
Original post and recipe for homemade liquid laundry soap.