compass

There's something that always seems to happen mid-autumn, when the days get grayer and wetter and I feel stuck, physically and mentally. Physically in the sense that I cannot get outside and get some sunshine, and the rooms in my house grow smaller and smaller - even more so now that I share that space with a little person who gets bored very very quickly.

And mentally in the sense that my brain feels slow. A little less alive and very much in need of some nourishment. I haven't had the chance to sit down and make some real art in well over a year now, and I think it's starting to gnaw at me. I've said it before, but there are some days where I really feel like I might die if I don't just get out there and create something. Anything.

***

Today was rough. I wrestled with a sad toddler who can't quite communicate his needs and wants yet, who throws a tantrum if I don't feel like climbing up and down the stairs with him all day (he grabs my hand and pulls me to the stairs to help him up and down...over and over and over again), and who had his morning frustrations capped off with shots at the doctor's office. The day turned dark and rainy, but was saved by the most delicious pho I've ever tasted, hot and rich and salty. And then bedtime was mostly tears, feverish pitching about, limbs kicking and hands pushing me away, and then finally wrapping around my neck and giving in to a heavy, sweaty sleep.

I hate shot days. 

***

So I drew this. A doodle. I used to draw shapes like this all over my notebooks in school. Endless mandalas, compass roses, fans and petals.

And now all is centered and right again.